The choice that my Grandmother made

Recently I've been thinking of my grandmother a lot.  It's really nothing new, but I have been thinking of her in terms of a choice that she made at the request of my mother when I was two years old.

You see my grandmother raised me from time I was two until I was twelve.  It would have been longer I am sure, had she not developed cancer and passed from it.

My grandmother has been with me for the last few weeks....well over a month now, and I have been thinking of how challenging it must have been for my grandmother to take care of me.  Did she accept it willingly when my mother asked her to give up her golden years to raise her grandchild?  Was she resentful?  What kinds of thoughts were going through her head?

These are the kinds of things that I would have loved to ask her, had I been given the chance.

I love my granddaughter, and cannot imagine my life without her, no matter the circumstances that caused her to come into this world.  I look at her everyday and wonder if her parents realize just how precious she is, what a blessing she is, and how truly blessed they are to have her?  Or are they so caught up in themselves to see it? 

Am I caught up in selfish thoughts to realize how she has been blessing my life?  After all, I never expected to be raising or assisting in raising a grandchild.  I still have one child at home, and was looking to forward to my golden years when he finally graduated high school and moved on to college and then to the rest of his life.  I expected there to be some of natural transition from parent to doting grandma, but not living with grandma.  My plan was to be the kind of grandparent who took the grandkids to the park, the occasional sleepover, spoiling them rotten, and leaving the hard work to the parents.

If I had not made the decision to shelter, I know what would have happened.  She would have been bounced around from one foster home to another, and that is certainly what I want for my grandchild.

There are times that I feel overwhelmed, and angry at the decision made by my child.  There are times that I wonder if I will be able to continue doing this.  Then I take one look at my granddaughter and know that I have no other choice, and that I made the right decision to take her in.  My life has been richer for doing so.

I think about my grandmother everyday, but even more so now because of what she did for me, and what I am able to do for my own grandchild.