On friendships and being chronically ill

Jacques Maritain once said that "We love persons......by reasons of their defects as well as of their qualities," but is that really true?

Here are a few thoughts on friendships and being chronically ill. 

Chronic illness throws a monkey wrench into our relationships. That's a fact!

When our lives have been so devastatingly altered by chronic pain and illness, with not a single facet untouched, the support we receive from friends and family becomes all the more essential. But one of the many ironies of a life with chronic pain and illness is that at the very time you need the love and support of those you care for most, those relationships are so often challenged and affected by the same cause of that need. Hmmmmmm.

There is a freedom in loving and being loved. The love we have for other special people frees us to concentrate on them, and if possible forget ourselves and our problems.

In being loved we discover the same freedom. We don't have to conceal our defects. We can be open. Yes, we can, and should continue to work on our "defects" but we do it for us, not so that we can "deserve" love.

BUT when those "defects" result from a chronic illness, sometimes we feel that we have to almost prove that we deserve the love being shown, or what we ask for.

It was a painful process of losing people for me. The more ill I become, the more friends I lost. I've even purposely ended relationships with some because of toxicity. Part of this is a result of the people in my life not being the greatest people to have as friends, and part of this is a direct result of me making positive changes: getting sick allowed me to see my world with a new perspective. 

My life is no longer about petty concerns and trivial bullshit. Now, it’s about creating a calm, positive, healthy environment and keeping my stress to a minimum. It’s about creating as happy a lifestyle I can for myself in spite of immense suffering.

There are a few friends who have stuck by my side. You know who you are! Some of you are overseas, and we don't speak that often, but our friendships have stood the test of time and chronic illness. I know who I can call and whine to. I know who to call to have a good laugh! I know who will provide a shoulder to cry on.

I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt the angst of loss of friendships.....for whatever reason.

Remember to cherish the few that hang around. Cherish the people that stop by to hang out on the couch with you, the people that still invite you out even though more often than not you’ll decline their invitation. If you have no one, hang onto hope that others are out there. It is possible to have meaningful friendships despite chronic illness.

It takes a very special person to stick around and be a real friend to someone like us (though it shouldn’t be this way). They exist, so hang onto hope and in the mean time, cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself.

I treasure all the loving friendships I have.

Love you, all!

Tip for living well with chronic illness (see video)